Learn how to pitch to get what you want, overcome setbacks, and how mentoring helps you grow.
Have you ever had setbacks in life and thought I could use these lessons to mentor others?
That's what our guest NJ Falk did in her life.
Listen in as I chat with the talented NJ Falk about how to pitch to get what you want, overcome setbacks, and how mentoring helps you grow.
Who is NJ Falk?
NJ Falk is a Webby award-winning creative, serial entrepreneur and seasoned journalist focused on emerging luxury, fashion, lifestyle, and direct-to-consumer brands. Falk is currently the Managing Partner of Athletic Propulsion Labs (APL) and Co-Founder & Chief Mentorpreneur™ and talk show host of the virtual career development community The Forward Female as well as a regular contributor to Forbes and Forbes Women with a focus on highly actionable business and lifestyle advice, a member of the Vogue Vanguard, a brand ambassador for Net-A-Porter, a member of the IAVA (International Academy of Visual Arts) and an Associate Member of the IADAS (International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences). Falk also juggles her current roles as Founder and Editor-in-Chief of my Webby award-winning fashion blog, The Blonde and The Brunette, and as an angel investor in female-focused luxury and consumer brands including 11 Honoré, Max-Bone, Starface Beauty, Hello Bumo and Artha. Her prior positions at American Express, MGM, and Universal Studios also gives Falk a unique perspective on challenges women face in their business and personal lives. With her love of fashion, Falk has often been referred to as one of the "chicest women in the world," named a "Style Icon" by Louis Vuitton, recognized as one of LA's "Leading Ladies of Style" by Angeleno Magazine, and is the muse of famed jeweler Martin Katz.
She does it all with a bit of élan and a steady stream of lattes. Follow NJ on Instagram @njfalk or @BnBStyle @forwardfemale and check out her column 99 problems, but I can help you with one at www.TheBlondeandTheBrunette.com
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Hi, and welcome to the Total Fit Boss Chick podcast. I'm your host, Brentney Parks. And joining me today is NJ Falk an internationally recognize Webby award-winning journalists in creative, who often is referred to as one of the chicest women in the world. She's been named style icon by Louis Vuitton in addition, NJ is a long time contributor to Forbes.
Today we're discussing, pitching yourself in business, how to overcome setbacks in mentoring as a means of self-growth. Welcome to the show. NJ,
NJ Falk
thank you for having me. I'm so happy to join you.
Brentney
Yes. Well, thank you. Thank you. There's so much value in you. I'm not even sure where to start.
well, let's start with pitching in order to have an award-winning blog, the Blonde and the Brunette and be a long time Forbes columnist along with several other publications, you'll have to be good at pitching. And I'm sure you've heard a lot of pitchesI'm sure you've heard a lot of pitches yourself, right?
NJ Falk
right? Absolutely.
Brentney
Yes. So way before you start NJ, I'm going to let our audience know a little bit about you and your pitching. So you've been at pitching at least since high school, where you convince your headmaster at your prep school, to let you speed through the fields of study and enter into a NY as a high school junior.
So I'm going to ask you,
NJ Falk
I went to my headmaster and, the University of Hartford was right near my prep school and they, let me go to the University of Hartford part-time, while I was going to school. And then I went to NYU.
So at a very early age in the film school,
Brentney
So you are a pitching master
NJ Falk
managed to convince him because it was really important to me.
Brentney
Yes. Well, give our audience some actionable steps to pitch yourself in business.
NJ Falk
One of the first things you always need to do is be prepared. And I also, for many years had my advertising agency. I have a corporate background. I worked at American express, MGM, Universal Studios, and then my own advertising agency.
The UXB for many, many years, and you need to be able to present yourself. I was actually very shy at a young age and had to start to push myself. So the first thing is to prepare, you need to prepare your argument. You need to prepare what you want to say. You need to break it down into bite-size pieces, and that's the most important part to get prepared and really find out what's going to be
compelling to the other side. The next
Brentney
part
NJ Falk
is actually practicing. You need to practice in advance, often memorize those tiny. Sound bites and go forward that way. If you're really shy. And I, I found myself whether I was at a conference table doing a speech one on one. I often used a paper clip.
Or held a pen in my hand, for something to study and comfort me. Hm.
Brentney
Wow. Okay. That's that's great. That's a great tip.
NJ Falk
Yeah. The other thing is if you're ever in front of a large group or a podium or whatever, you know, find something to hold on, whether it's the podium or something else, even nowadays you're on a zoom call.
It's the same principles everyone's on Zoom. Get prepared. Think about what you're going to say, anticipate others, people's questions, and reactions in advance. So maybe you have those responses prepared. I mean, that's the first thing in media training, they teach you that all the time prepare for the confrontational questions, the difficult questions, what you think those will be.
So have those answers ready? So you know what you're going to say. And also if you're on a zoom call, be prepared for those
Brentney
moments. Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Okay. Any other, any other action steps we should take when pitching ourselves in business that you can think of?
NJ Falk
I think it's, you know, Anticipating the answers.
What if somebody says, no, what's your counter to that? Because as Chris boss likes to say, that's usually the beginning of the negotiation, so that's a good sign.
Brentney
So what do you do when you get nos?
NJ Falk
I usually tell that person or team, whatever. Thank you. Well, this is so very helpful. Let's talk about this and ask them to really explain
Brentney
why
NJ Falk
they're saying no.
And so we can get into the discussion. And while they're doing that, I'm thinking about the responses. What's a compelling counter discussion and how I can overcome those issues so that we can figure it out together.
Brentney
Gotcha. Gotcha. Now, do you think it's best to go the old fashioned way and sin maybe snail mail, or do you think it's best email or social media?
Is there any pluses or minuses to either one.
NJ Falk
I think you have to judge each situation. Individually, sometimes it's better to open a discussion with an email. Well, just so you hear some of the issues that are going on, but if you're having blocks and, and not making progress, I really believe in picking up the phone, getting on that Zoom meeting and really having a discussion, but you've got to assemble your facts in advance.
If you don't have your facts and your information and what you're planning to counter with or what you want to achieve and what your objectives are well lined up in advance. You're not going to succeed. Gotcha.
Brentney
Gotcha. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Okay. All right. Okay. Well, good. I mean, that's some great information when it comes to pitching yourself in business.
I think that that's incredibly helpful. So let's just kind of recap that, that little portion of what we just said, just so we can break it down into bite-size pizzas pieces, because sometimes people are, they're cleaning their house, they're driving and those different things. So just kind of wants to just recap that.
Like in a short little blurb, can you do that?
NJ Falk
Absolutely. And it's really important. You know, people listen in, if you're presenting yourself in a job interview in a meeting, it's the first few, second sentences, break it down, prepared in advance, map out all your, arguments, all your PO. Positive things that you want to say, all your objectives, be ready for the counter-responses, and be upbeat and don't be confrontational.
One of the other things you and I have talked about is as important to take the emotion out of things. So take the emotion out.
Brentney
If
NJ Falk
you're. Have difficulty speaking with others, use something to say to yourself, have a pen, a paper, clip, anything that gives you a little sense of security.
Brentney
Gotcha. So what you're saying is, is to take out those emotions that scare us, or that kind of make us feel like, like we can't do it, take away those discouraging emotions and just kind of go for it.
Is that what I'm hearing? That's what you're hearing. And the other
NJ Falk
thing is I always ask myself and I've learned this from Dale Carnegie books. What's the worst thing that can happen. And when you. Play that through, in your mind in advance. So then you say, Oh, well, that's the worst thing that can happen.
And you can prepare for that. And it helps you take the emotion out and you start to be able to say, you deal with it very easily. So it becomes a non-emotional issue and you know where you're going with
Brentney
something. Gotcha. Well, let me ask you this. This is kind of a, it's just a little extra to that question.
Now, when we remove our emotions, how do we still remain passionate about what we're talking about? I mean, is, is how do we balance removing the the fearful emotions that get us that set us back to balancing those positive emotions that push us forward? That
NJ Falk
is such a great question. Removing emotions doesn't mean that you shouldn't be enthusiastic, excited, be able to talk about whatever it is that you want to get across.
It just means that you're not going to maybe that a more emotional negative side of something. And that if someone brings up a difficult point, you're not getting emotional about it. You're gathering yourself and you know what? It's okay to take a breath. It's okay. To lean back a little bit, talk about something else for a second before you jump into that counter-response.
So that's the way to handle it. It doesn't mean you don't, you're not excited and happy to work with someone.
Brentney
Gotcha. Gotcha. Okay. Now that's really promising. Now, sometimes we struggle with being comfortable with pitching ourselves because of our previous setbacks in life. Now you were raised by your optimistic parents and you were raised to be optimistic, But you suffered some major personal setbacks early on. Can you tell us your story?
NJ Falk
well, yes, I'd be happy to, and I've learned so much from this one. I'd like to say my mother was an incredible role model for me. She was a graduate of Parsons School of design and a creative director at a young age married.
Very, young. and. My parents really felt it was so important that you're responsible for yourself. That you're the person that you rely on and you have training for life. My mother was widowed at a young age when my father was killed in a plane crash. And from that, I learned how to be resilient. And my parents both.
you know, my parents both sort of prepared me for this and said, you know, things can happen in life and you need to be educated, work hard. And that gave me also a sense of security in life that I can have a can-do attitude and make my way. So a lot of people when they encounter, Oh, Difficulties tragedies, et cetera, it gets them down.
So you can either make the choice to move forward, be positive, be resilient and four to five yourself or given to those circumstances. From my background, I learned that the most important thing is that I can rely on myself, be strong and that hard work takes you a lot of places. Gotcha.
Brentney
So you lost your, you lost your dad and you had to grow up dealing with that as a setback.
Now, what about your, what about your mom?
NJ Falk
Well, my mom was incredible. She was resilient. Well, that helped me make my way. And I think that was also because she had this incredible educational background. She and I, we're both prepared. we were financially prepared. My father spent a lot of time with both of us talking about finances, managing money, balancing budgets, saving, and being prepared in life.
So I think one of the most important things is that you have to learn how to manage your own finances, budget, be a saver, especially early in life, which I always did. So that you had the resources and you were disciplined and that often means doing without, but that's okay if you're saving the money, you have that security blanket in your life.
Brentney
Gotcha. Gotcha. Yes, you're right. You're right. Well, that's very touching. That's a very touching story of how you used a setback for setup or come back. To make you stronger and make you more resilient and the same thing for your mother. Now, of course, there's no one
NJ Falk
to interrupt you. I was always spurred on by, you know, want to make my parents proud.
I am keeping this family tradition going of hard work and being successful. And, people live on through you. So when you're doing a great job, you're bringing their legacy forward as well.
Brentney
Right?
NJ Falk
Put a list of people down. At least I didn't.
Brentney
Right. No, that's your that's 100% correct. We, what we do, what are we doing it for our time here is only, you know, a minuscule.
And when you think about eternity, so it's what we do. The dash. It is what happens in between, it's the dash that's most important, right?
NJ Falk
Absolutely. But I also say it's a marathon and it's not a sprint. Although I always felt because my father had died young and my mother had passed away young.
That time is limited just as you're saying. So it was all a rush to accomplish as much as I could, as fast as I can.
Brentney
Yes. Okay. So you lost your father and then you lost your mother
NJ Falk
later on? Yes. I lost my mother and, for my younger brothers. So. I was always in a hurry and I, I, being in a hurry is a good thing.
And then also can possibly affect you in a way in the workplace, just because you're always, so in a hurry, you want to accomplish everything so quickly. I think I would tell my younger self that it's okay. Everything doesn't have to happen all at once. That it's this incredible journey and enjoying the journey.
Brentney
Wow. That's that is beautiful. No wonder why mentoring is so important to you and it's such an important part of your life. Now I have to let our audience know that you believe so much in mentoring that. You trademark the term mentor
NJ Falk
out of this incredible experience. My, for being a contributor to Forbes. So many young women started reaching out to me asking me questions and also through the blonde and the brunette. And also because in invested in a lot of startups that are in fashion, luxury, consumer goods and all my business experience, I was starting to get this influx of questions and.
Women and young men asking for advice. And this suddenly grew into this business with two other partners, Priscilla Presley, and Lauren Sheik. And Lauren is the one I've mentored as well as Priscilla over the years, where we develop or online community for mentoring and, called the forward female.
And it just came out. Organically through so many people reaching out and it was my turn to give back because so many people have mentored me and given so much to me.
Brentney
Yeah. And you also have a saying 99 questions. I can, answer one, you have a column, right?
NJ Falk
99 problems, but I can help with one.
Brentney
Oh, there we go.
NJ Falk
I can only handle one problem.
Brentney
Right? Well, I love that. let's see. What are audiences thinking about mentoring? This is the part of our show where it's interactive. So if you're listening in real-time, go onto the IG stories on the total fit boss chick, and we're going to have a poll question listed.
Do you think you would do better in business if you had a mentor early on? So we're going to put that on the poll questions. Now don't worry about it. If you aren't listening in real-time, check the IG, highlights for the responses in the poll. Questions will be there and you can still weigh in. Now since NJ is the official mentorprenuer, I want to put a little extra time in, , in our segment, call the mentoring moments. Now this is where I fire off some thought-provoking, random questions, and we're going to get NJ advice.
NJ Falk
I think so. I love this idea and we'll see how I do under pressure.
Brentney
Oh, well, you will.
NJ Falk
Just kidding
Brentney
wonderful. Okay. So when you are most uncomfortable, how do you get past it? What action steps do you take?
Wow, that's a great question. When I'm most uncomfortable, I actually like to step back think about the situation and I don't think you always have to give a response right away. It just depends on the situation.
If you were. In a room and you have to take a moment to think about it. Talk about something else, and then come back with your answer. If you have in a situation where you're in a zoom meeting in email correspondence. Step back and don't necessarily respond right away. You can always say to people, I'll get back to you.
NJ Falk
Let me think about that before you respond. So you gather your thoughts. It's okay to do something like that. You don't always have to have the answer on the
Brentney
spot. Oh, that's great. that's definitely a great approach. Is there anything that has happened in your past that now knowing what you know, would you want to go back and redo it, or did you learn any lessons from some actions that you took, but you maybe took the painful route?
NJ Falk
For me, a perceived failure is especially in my early years in my career because I was always in such a hurry and I didn't necessarily enjoy some of the early successes, the early achievements. I was always driving for. So much. That I didn't enjoy the moment and didn't live in the moment. I was always in such a hurry.
And I, of course, I trace this back to my own personal background thinking what if I didn't have the time? What if things didn't happen soon enough? And maybe I was a little too aggressive sometimes and pushed myself too much. So I would definitely go back and think about some of my own behavior. In the office in the early days and maybe asking for too much when I wasn't ready for it, I really needed more work experience.
And my mentors and my bosses were pacing me the right way. And sometimes I didn't always see that. And they were doing me an enormous favor.
Brentney
Oh, that's, that's very helpful. That is very helpful. Now you mentioned some of your mentors. Can you think of any particular advice that one of your mentors gave you that you carry today that helps you today?
NJ Falk
So many great mentors over the years, especially in my corporate jobs. Well, I think the best advice and some of the best things that I got. From some many of them was paying attention to the details in a lot of the work that we did. Double-checking things. I do that to this day, it's paying attention to the details often makes all the difference.
One of the other things that I learned is that you have to dig in when you don't know something and it's okay. You can ask for help. Teach yourself, new things, and you should be always teaching yourself new things. So that's the only way you're going to keep moving forward. And the most important thing I learned was to be able to accept change because everything keeps changing and you have to be able to accept change.
If you're not good with change, it's going to hold you back.
Wow. Yes, yes. Yeah, you're right. You're definitely right about that. Now you have so much to give and I really want to know personally about you. What are you curious about right now? What's got your curiosity.
I love these questions it's another great question right now for me, technology is the key to so many things and being.
Technologically savvy. And what I mean by that is in the whole direct to the consumer world, everything that's happening, whether it's on websites, SMS, text stacks, you name it, being abreast of all the issues that are happening and being.
Brentney
fluent. Right. It's ever so changing. Right.
NJ Falk
Right. And it's so important to force herself and I enjoy it to learn all these things because it impacts everything we're all doing.
And to also be. Constantly curious. I'm constantly curious about everything that's going on and want to keep myself educated and continually re-educating myself. Otherwise, I can't stay part of the conversation. And to me that's really important. I always want to be part of what's going on in business in the world and culture.
And to do that, you have to keep yourself abreast of everything,
Brentney
right? did you teach yourself or learn web design?
NJ Falk
Aye. Taught myself. Through having my agency. And I had partners at that time. And so I learned the web designs. I learned the different platforms, whether it was Magento, Shopify, plus.
Doing all the backend, all the operational issues. I mean, I'm very, very. Fluent in all of that, but again, it's been an ongoing journey and I started at the, really the beginning of when everything was emerging and some of these things are painful to learn. And a lot of times you have to dig deep within yourself and say, you know what, I'm going to do this.
I'm going to force myself and you're, you can be proud of yourself and Pat yourself on the back when you've learned these things. But it's an ongoing process and that's the thing. The journey is always ongoing. It never stops. So that's the thing. Once you've learned something, there's something new to learn, keep learning, keep changing,
Brentney
which is so beautiful, right?
That is so beautiful. You know what? I could talk to you all day, but you just did a launch yesterday and you, I know have to be exhausted.
NJ Falk
So.
Brentney
So I really, really want you to make sure that you just, take care of yourself today, which I know that you will because you have a great balance. You have a great work-life balance.
And, and I know that you cherish your weekends. So I commend you for that. And I do that as well. I cherish those weekends. And so with that being said, I want to let everybody know how to get in touch with you.
NJ Falk
I would love that anybody can follow me along on Instagram at NJ folk. And also we have the Forward Female, so you can reach out to us on the Forward Female, on our mentoring, online mentoring community, and also The Blonde and The Brunette if people want a quick daily dose of passionate style.
That's on quickly. Well, I would love everyone to reach out and you can send questions my way, and I will be happy to engage with anyone who wants a little mentoring advice.
Brentney
I told her on the phone actually right before this. And I sent it to her in an email as well as I can't say it enough.
She is literally one of the most humble people that I've ever spoken to. And when I tell you that, she is known as a fashion icon. LA is leading lady is what she was named leading lady of style. Leading lady of Style by LA Angelo's magazine. Are you serious? And she's so humble. And if, and if, and I tell you, you can Google her, you can see all her, all of her beautiful pictures, all of the fashion, all of the style and all of the advice that she gives.
So this woman is so genuine. So to have her on the show, I could not be more grateful. Thank you. Thank you again so much.
NJ Falk
Thank you for having me. It's been an honor to get to know you, your questions have been very probing and I'm actually going to think about the more even when we're done. So that's a real gift that you've given me.
Brentney
Well, thank you. Thank you so much now, as always everyone. Thank you for listening. And if you got value out of the show, please give us some love and give us a review on iTunes. And we may feature you on our segment called what we're loving. So you're listening to the Total Fit Boss Chick Podcast. Bye for now.